Here is another milestone in my castration fetish.
My 14-15 years were a busy time but luckily I was able to discover some erotica.
Although I rarely revisit them, even after 50 years these excerpts still have the power to arouse.
My Secret Life
This happened when I was 14.
I must have read about it in an ad in “Playboy”. A new magazine of erotica was announced called “Avant Garde” and it was being published by the same guy that had published the famous “Eros” magazine, although I was too young to remember “Eros”.
The thing that really grabbed me about this ad was the offer of a book to be given away to charter subscribers. The book was a complete edition of the famous Victorian sex memoir, “My Secret Life”. I was eager for real-life descriptions of sex and I’ve always been a sucker for ‘complete’ or ‘original’.
It was a big disappointment when it finally came. The book was huge and unwieldy and difficult to read. The binding was cheap glue that immediately cracked when I opened it causing pages to fall out. And the content was dull, repetitive and often disgusting. I gave up on reading it fairly quickly.
Oh, and “Avant Garde” sucked too.
I finally read a much shorter, edited version of “My Secret Life” a few years ago and it was very good. Not that erotic but certainly entertaining and enlightening.
I discovered “The Pearl” when I was 15. It’s 650 pages of classic Victorian porn.
Roughly 75% is devoted to straight sex, the rest is devoted to women ‘birching’ each other. Once again, I felt confused that none of the straight sex really aroused me. And I had no interest in the woman-on-woman stuff.
Only two passages aroused me. Here is a summary of the first one followed by a link:
A girl discovers her brother taking advantage of one of her girlfriends and punishes him by birching him in front of a small group of her girlfriends. The birching causes the boy to have an embarrassing ejaculation.
Here’s the link: Lady Pokingham Vol. II
I loved the incest, all the girls watching and the humiliation of the involuntary ejaculation.
Here is the other passage. It’s very brief. It just describes a young man giving his friend a spur-of-the-moment blow job.
Here’s the link: Sub-Umbra
I loved how free and easy it was and the submissive aspect.
Autobiography of a Flea
The following embarrassing incident happened when I was 15.
I discovered this famous book late one hot summer night in my older brother’s bedroom. He and his wife were both absent at the time.
While browsing through I stumbled upon one passage that literally blew my mind. I stripped off my clothes and ran around the neighborhood naked until the police spotted me and picked me up.
Here’s a summary and link:
The story is set in the 18th century. A girl walks along a rural country path and stops to watch two horses having sex in a field. She notices a peasant boy is already there watching the horses and openly masturbating. She boldly goes over to him and takes over jerking him off till he cums.
Here’s the link: Autobiography of a Flea
I loved the passivity of the boy, the devilish aggressiveness and delight of the girl and the open, brazen spectacle of the copious ejaculation.
I started to get into music when I was 15. My older brother gave me his beat-up old portable stereo and his beat-up old 1950s records. I found Little Richard to be electrifying. I’d lay in bed and my whole body would be rigid and tingling with rapture. This showed a strong feminine side in me.
During the second half of my 15th year I adopted a strict new daily regimen. This included concentrating on my homework by studying in the basement stacks of a local college library every day. Perversely, I also got into the habit of leaving long semen stains on the white walls down at the end of each row of the stacks. I must have left about two dozen. They turned kind of yellowish brown after a while.
Furtively masturbating in semi-secluded public places during quiet, off-hours became a silly little hobby of mine during my teen years. It was only an occasional thing.