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Milestones: Suckin’ a Cock

Here’s another unhappy milestone in my castration fetish.

When I was 22 I had a brief homosexual experience.

I met Ty, an openly gay college student, and started hanging around his apartment. I was just a working-stiff at that point. He had some effeminate mannerisms but was mostly masculine.

Ty was going to a prestige college and I had a slavish reverence for such people which had been browbeaten into me by my crazy older sister. Being bookish and over-educated this reverence is something I’ve never outgrown.

I smoked Ty’s pot and listened to, and bought my own copies of, his records. I figured that I might be able to absorb some of his special intelligence if I listened to his music. I’ve since realized that most of Ty’s music was bland, empty art rock. Music meant a lot to me in those days.

I now realize that Ty wanted to get it on with me right from the start but he was really very sweet and patient. He waited until one night when I was drunk to really come on to me. I initially rejected the offer and left his apartment. But once I got out on the street I decided that it might be fun after all and went back in.

We got naked and went to bed. Ty was really into kissing so we did that for a while. The kissing was OK but I didn’t like all that scratchy beard stubble. We played with each other’s cocks and I went down and sucked on his for a while. Then I told him to finish himself off, which he did. He cum was stringy instead of gooey like my own. I resisted his attempts to cuddle and proceeded to pass out. We never had a repeat.

I now regret not having done more things with Ty, especially taking it up the ass. I was too obsessed with defending my masculine dignity to let myself go.

A while later I had some emotional problems and I blew up at him and said some ugly, angry things he didn’t deserve. I’m a swine.

I’ve never been able to find out what happened to Ty. I fear he fell victim to the AIDS epidemic that began a few years later. Anyway, God bless him.

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Milestones: Poppin’ a Cherry

Here’s another painful milestone in my castration fetish.

22 was a pivotal year for me.

I hooked up with Wendy, a newly-graduated nurse. It was spring. It was all very lovey-dovey. I remember passionately making out with her for over an hour in the middle of the day in my parked car near the nursing student dorm.

From the neck up Wendy was sweet, mousy and elfin. From the neck down she had that skinnyness that comes from being young and nervous. Naked she looked like an underfed young monkey. Kind of sad and pathetic. Her flesh reminded me of Silly Putty.

Wendy wanted me to take her virginity. It was so awful, both witnessing her pain and blood and being the cause of it. It took so long, I had to ram into her again and again and again. The experience was quite traumatic for me and it had a deep, lasting impact. As for Wendy, she pretty much took it in stride.

I can’t relate to macho fantasies about taking a girl’s virginity at all. And to this day I can’t stand to listen to Rod Stewart’s obnoxious porno pop song, “Tonight’s the Night (Gonna Be Alright)”.

This will sound strange, but I took Wendy’s experience into myself and converted it into becoming a deep part of my castration fantasy life. I’ve tried to capture this in some of the stories I’ve written.

In the end I rudely broke it off with Wendy because she was more interested in ‘antiquing’ than having sex. I’m a swine.

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“Castratrix Quarterly: Sorority Girls Whip Campus Betas” by Cait B

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Compromising position

His feminization will begin with having his testicles removed.

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Femme fatale

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Milestones: Career Masturbator

Here’s another milestone in my castration fetish.

Club Magazine

When I was 21 I found a copy of “Club” magazine in the employee’s toilet in the bus station diner where I worked. It had a long letter from a reader in it that really blew my mind. It was an intense masturbation humiliation story. Masturbation humiliation is my strongest fetish other than castration. And published instances of it are rare. And I actually believed the story in the letter was true for quite a while. Silly me.

But the point I want to make is that this really marked the beginning of my life as a career masturbator. And it showed my strong preference for the textual narrative porn I was to find in magazines and, later, online.

I squandered a fair amount of loose change on those little “Penthouse Letters/Variations” half-size mags in the ’80s and ’90s. I’d get them home and tear through them in 15 minutes and only rarely find anything hot. My latest hot femdom/bisexual find is some postings by CuckoldGuy over on Literotica.

Here’s the link for the story.

Bukowski

At this same time I happened to notice a copy of the “LA Free Press” lying on the floor of my crazy older sister’s apartment. What it was doing there I don’t know since we didn’t live on the West Coast.

It had an article about what an obnoxious, verbally abusive, drunken asshole Bukowski was. This piqued my interest and I read all his short stories and novels. And while I’ve never been an avid fan he did inspire me to be an anti-social loner and to try my own hand at writing little stories.

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“Let’s Band Some Balls”

This is a still for a Youtube video about castrating goats. I’d include a link but apparently a lot of freaks and pervs have cluttered up her comment section with their pervyness. So please be nice, OK?

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aNoviceArtista – “Himiko Toga”

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“Castratrix Quarterly: OMG I’m a Teenage Castratrix!” by Cait B

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Milestones: “Blow by Blow”

Here’s another milestone in my castration fetish.

When I was 18 I spotted some paperback books on display on the bottom shelf of a bookstore in a small college town. The covers were very eye-catching, just solid light-yellow with no graphics, just titles and authors. There were five or six titles. They were all gay porn. I bought one out of curiosity. It was “Blow by Blow” by Jay Greene.

When I got it home it turned out to be pretty arousing. There were five stories but I can only remember three of them, which I re-tell below.

I’d love to read it again but no one has seen fit to make it available online.

Title Story

This one was about two college freshmen, a bold one and a shy one. At one point in the story the bold one says he’s going to overcome the shy one’s shyness “blow by blow”. Here’s what I remember:

Early on, the two boys are in a big shower room together. The shy one gets an erection while looking at the bold one who laughs and points it out causing some embarrassment.

Later that night, the shy one is lying in his bed in his single dorm room jerking off and thinking about the bold one when the bold one unexpectedly lets himself into the room, comes over to the bed, bends over, reaches under the covers and takes over. The shy one is embarrassed and flustered and starts to object. The bold one says, “If you don’t like it, do it back to me,” i.e., as a sort of tit-for-tat revenge. The bold one opens up his PJs and his stiff cock “towers in the dark”. With a frightened gulp the shy one reaches over and grasps it. They stroke each other and cum while looking into each other’s eyes.

This breaks the ice and they become good friends and start getting together regularly. The sex play starts with mutual masturbation but soon progresses to sucking each other off. The bold one is fairly experienced but the shy one is a total virgin and the feel and taste of the bold one’s cock in his mouth the first time he sucks it is intense.

For some reason the bold one has always been in the habit of spitting out the cum he receives. So the shy one flaunts his new-found boldness by swallowing the other’s cum.

Cocksucker!

This one is a silly, totally implausible sexual revenge fantasy. In it a gay guy manipulates a verbally abusive construction worker into having sex with him. Here’s what I remember:

The gay guy walks past a construction site every day on the way to work and the workers always shout verbal abuse, especially “cocksucker!”

One afternoon the gay guy runs into one of the hunky construction workers after work. (I’m going to abbreviate these two characters, GG and CW, in the re-telling below.)

CW tells GG that he’s married with children and doesn’t get much sex from his wife and he expresses interest in what kind of sex gay gays have. GG proposes showing CW a gay porn film he has back at his apartment.

GG plays the gay porn film. CW becomes aroused and demands a blow job. GG insists they get naked first. GG starts sucking CW’s cock while they’re lying on the floor in a 69 position. The porn movie is left playing. The visual stimulus of the hot oral sex happening on the screen combined with the thick luscious cock dangling in his face causes CW to tentatively start sucking on it and he winds up swallowing GG’s cum.

Things progress such that CW wants to learn about anal sex so he ‘demands’ GG finger fuck his ass. He keeps ‘demanding’ that more fingers be inserted until GG ‘cunningly’ substitutes his own cock. CW doesn’t realize what’s being done to him but he gets into it and cums at the same moment GG is cumming in his ass.

When it comes time to leave CW is quite meek and subdued and he thanks GG for what he’s been shown. As he leaves GG looks at the departing CW and smugly thinks to himself, “cocksucker!”

Forgot the Title

Don’t remember much about this one. It’s about a teenage hustler who lets older men suck him off in movie theaters and highway rest areas and picks their pockets as well.

Deliverance

I made a point of leaving this book in an out-of-the-way closet in the family summer cottage just to annoy my mom. But she got her revenge by handing me a copy of the issue of “The Atlantic” that featured a long excerpt from James Dickey’s soon-to-be bestseller “Deliverance”. This excerpt included the infamous hillbilly anal-rape scene. She told me she thought I’d be interested. Miserable old witch.