Categories
story text

Milestones: The Eunuch Archive

Here’s another milestone in my castration fetish.

When I was 47 I left my career behind me as a hopeless and tragic mistake. This gave me the free time to pursue a couple pet projects, one of which was to write little porn fantasies.

The Eunuch Archive

This is a wonderful resource. It’s composed of two parts, a huge repository of thousands of user-submitted castration fantasy stories and a user forum.

Anyone can submit a story but sometimes stories are rejected if there are too many spelling, grammatical or formatting errors. The archive has a limited staff of volunteers that work hard to ensure that the stories are readable.

Even with surface errors corrected the quality of the writing in the stories tends to be pretty poor, but they’re all sincere and heart-felt. And if you have the patience and the stamina you can find some real gems.

I know a little of the Archive’s history but I’ll leave it to more knowledgeable people to document that. One thing I can say is that the founder of the Archive wasn’t a eunuch but since he passed away I believe the main admins have been eunuchs.

SquirmEWorm

I submitted stories sporadically to the Eunuch Archive for 12 years. I used a couple different IDs until I settled on SquirmEWorm. I only produced thirty-two stories in all. But I also wrote seven non-castration stories for the BDSMCafe as well. Pretty meager output really.

I was always frustrated and depressed that there was never any feedback on my stories posted to the forum. But that was pretty typical for femdom stories. Most of the forum discussion was devoted to the gay-themed stories.

Kortpeel

I became aware of this author fairly early on due to the high quality of his writing. But it wasn’t until I was 57 that one of his stories really blew me away, “Neighbourly Act”. It was almost too powerful for me to bear. I was in a precarious state at the time and had been living in a sleazy motel for a few months. I became fixated and frustrated on how silly and frivolous many of Kortpeel’s stories were. I snapped and blew up at Kortpeel and the Eunuch Archive admins. I haven’t really been back since. I was a demented asshole.

I’ve posted nine of Kortpeel’s stories to this WordPress blog. They’re all excellent.

Categories
story text

Milestones: Cavalcade

Here’s another milestone in my castration fetish.

This is basically just a chronological list of the high points of my porn-consumption between the ages of 41 and 53.

Titian Beresford

Titian Beresford is god. His novel, “Nina Foxton”, is the best femdom porn novel ever. And it refers to castration in three places.

Here’s a link for the whole thing.

Below are links for excerpts from some other things he wrote. Only the one for “Cinderella” mentions castration:

* The Rubber Sanitarium

* Payday

* Black Velvet Farm

* Cinderella

Cruella Magazine

The first “Cruella” I bought had a super hot castration fantasy in it. I bought a few other magazines from the same publisher but only one other issue (“Riding Cult”) had anything worthwhile. Here are the links:

* Lady Charlotte and the Groom

* Just Dandy’s Just Desserts

Whap! Magazine

Only a few issues of this were published which is a shame because it was so good at doing femdom with a light, teasing touch.

Chris Bellows

Most people in the femdom castration milieu will be familiar with this author. I was so excited when I ordered his first little porn novella, “A Gift From James”, and I initially found it highly arousing. But after reading his subsequent books and after re-reading “Gift” I realized Bellows has very little respect for his readers.

Lady Carole

Her cartoons were the first hand-drawn depictions I had seen of femdom castration. What she lacked in polish she made up for in composition. The first ones I found of hers were super hot. She’s very prolific but most of her drawings only depict torture.

Here’s the link.

Hogg

Samuel R. Delany’s porn novel, “Hogg”, is incredible, a true work of literature. But there’s nothing femdom or castration related in it. And I found a couple of the scenes in it hard to stomach. But it’s been a real inspiration to me to just let go and be myself in my own writings.

Categories
story text

Milestones: Dominant Mystique

Here’s another tawdry milestone in my castration fetish.

Dominant Mystique

I was 37, out of work and the country in the grips of recession which gave me plenty of time to drive into the city to visit adult bookstores.

I picked up a copy of a sleazy newsprint porn mag called “Dominant Mystique”. When I got it home I read the letters section and one of the letters caused me to tear off my pants and jerk off wildly.

It was a short letter supposedly from a dominant lady who was considering castrating her male sex slave. In her letter she asked whether any of the letters about castration were genuine. The editor, Sandy York, replied by saying that on page 32 there was a photo of a castrated man. The small, black and white photo showed a naked seated man from the neck down. His penis was held up out of the way with a belt. His scrotum looked empty. Unfortunately, I no longer possess a scan of the photo.

This is the first time I had ever encountered femdom castration being presented as a real-life thing. I immediately subscribed to the magazine. I was very disappointed in the following months that only one other letter mentioned castration. In retrospect these letters feel phony. To this day I have yet to encounter a credible account of a real femdom castration.

Here is the link for the two letters.

Executive Imports

One advertisement that regularly appeared in “Dominant Mystique” caught my eye. It was for “Executive Imports” and they offered a big selection of erotic stories. I sent away for their catalog. It was a real cheap-ass piece of work, just a multi-page list of titles and summaries typed on an old manual typewriter, reproduced with a copier and stapled together at one corner. The stories themselves were printed in the same way.

I ordered from them a few times. The few castration stories they offered were all too gross and sadistic except one, “Husbands – Wives – Castration”. Since it was the first specifically femdom castration story I’d ever read I initially found it very hot. Unfortunately, it soon lost its ability to arouse due to the clumsy way it was written.

Here’s the summary: a suburban housewife decides to castrate her abusive husband. She shares her success with her female friends and neighbors and they follow her example.

Here’s the link.

Happily, two non-castration femdom stories turned out to provide a ton more jerk off mileage. Here are the links:

* Modeling School Slave

* Male Model

Categories
story text

Milestones: Richard Lovel

Here’s another milestone in my castration fetish.

This one is about my acquaintance with the amateur porn author and Internet personality, Richard Lovel (a pen name).

I first became aware of Richard Lovel through his writings and only much later learned his online identity. He’s particularly relevant to the castration fetish milieu since he’s the author of the original versions of the famous (within the milieu), “Judy’s Jewels”, and the less famous, “Mrs. Boxworth”.

Letters Magazine

I was 35 and I was reading “Letters” magazine when I noticed two unusually well-written femdom stories, “Spanking Salon” and “Molly Does the Milking”. I was still naïve enough at the time to believe that they described real-life personal experiences. “Spanking Salon” was particularly masterful in it’s light, teasing, suggestive tone. I got a lot of jerk off mileage out of it. No author was given for these stories.

Judy’s Jewels

When I was 43 the Internet was just starting to take off. One day I stumbled onto a listing of erotic stories available on a NJ BBS (Bulletin Board System). One story caught my eye, “Judy’s Jewels”. The summary description said it was a story about how “a farm girl teaches her city-boy cousin about castration”! I hated having to pay the BBS membership fee but I was burning with desire to read this story. When I finally got my hands on it I was not disappointed, it blew my mind. But once again no author was given.

A few years later I discovered that “Judy’s Jewels” was a crudely edited version of the original, “Betting the Ranch”, and that the original version was definitely the superior one.

Here’s the summary: A sly farm girl manipulates her shy city-boy cousin into allowing himself to be strapped into bondage in a bull-milking shed so that she can milk him with the milking machine. She frightens him by offering to use a burdizzo on him and tells him about how she had once castrated one of the ranch’s hired hands for being lewd to her. It’s very suspenseful.

Here’s the link.

The Peter Files

A couple years later I finally discovered the author of these amazing stories. I found Lovel’s “The Peter Files” story collection posted to a USENET newgroup. There were a dozen stories (all good) contained in the collection and these included the stories mentioned above. The Richard Lovel pen name was given so I was finally able to find his website and contact him and tell him how much I loved his stories.

There was only one other story in the collection that was about castration, “The Diary”. This story was later edited and expanded on to create “Mrs. Boxworth”.

I corresponded with Richard Lovel for a while and got to know him a little. He is a very dynamic individual. Writing these fantasies is only a hobby, his real profession is quite different. And his main hobby is exhibitionism. He is quite literally obsessed with it. He spends a lot of time and energy looking for people online that he can jerk off in front of. He prefers to do it in front of women but he will do it with men too. He scrupulously keeps his face and real identity hidden. He has never revealed his real identity to me.

For the past few years he has run the website Onania.org. He also has a Twitter account. He’s since written a few more “Peter Files” stories. I haven’t spoken with him for a quite a while.

Categories
story text

Milestones: Too Good To Be True

Here’s a little mini-milestone in my castration fetish.

The idea for the following story came to me when I was 34 and still married. I described the outline to my wife and she said it sounded good. It wasn’t until I was 44 that I got around to writing it down and posting it to the Eunuch Archive. It’s the first one I’d ever written. About 10 years later I gave it a fairly modest rewrite and changed the title to, “Castration Farm”.

Summary: Two vixens lure a young man up to their aunt’s farm to be castrated.

Here is the story:

Too Good To Be True

One day, as I was doing my laundry in my apartment building laundry room, two hot young vixens came in. They were both wearing cut-offs and tight t-shirts and no bras. They giggled when they saw me and then one of them, Sharon, asked me if I could drive them up to Alison’s aunt’s farm. They giggled as I stuttered out that I would love to.

We all sat in the front seat and, since it was a hot summer day, the girls
decided to take their t-shirts off. They giggled when they saw the bulge in my crotch made by the big erection I got looking at their cute young titties.

Alison told me I’d better do something to relieve the swelling between my legs or I was going to have an accident. The girls told me to turn off onto a deserted dirt road and stop the car. Sharon said they knew what dirty men like me liked to do when they got big erections. Alison said, “Why don’t you take off your shorts, spread your legs and put on a show for us.” They giggled as I hurried to comply. Soon, I was urgently stroking my stiff, bursting manhood right in front of them. It was intensely embarrassing, but I couldn’t help myself.

Sharon said she thought I was being very dirty and that I should be ashamed of myself for playing with myself in front of them. Alison said she agreed and certainly hoped I wasn’t planning on playing with myself until I finished. Sharon agreed and added that she thought that only a very bad and dirty man would do such a thing. Alison said her aunt knew what to do with dirty men who squirted in front of sweet young girls.

Alison said that the last time they had visited her aunt’s farm they had asked a local teenage farm boy to join them in the hay loft for a playful chat. It had been hot in the hay loft, so the girls had taken off their t-shirts. Well, before you know it, that dirty farm boy had yanked off his shorts and was openly pumping his fist in his crotch. Sharon and Alison were surprised and delighted by this, but they sternly warned the boy not to finish in front of them. Well, that naughty boy didn’t listen and went right ahead and squirted right in front of them. The girls scolded him and told him he must be punished. They ordered him to remove the rest of his clothes and to climb down out of the hay loft, and to get down on all fours in the gelding stocks and let himself be strapped into them. The farm boy did as he was told, thinking that they only planned to whip his bare butt a few times with a switch.

Alison left the barn and returned in a few minutes with her aunt. When her aunt saw the naked and helpless farm boy strapped into the gelding stocks she laughed and said it had been over a month since the last time she had had to show a man what the stocks were built for. The girls told Alison’s aunt about how the farm boy had exposed his hard penis to them and had shot his load right in front of them. Alison’s aunt was outraged. She told Alison to get her special instruments.

Alison returned with her aunt’s gelding instruments and she and Sharon stood behind the farm boy and giggled as they watched Alison’s aunt begin working between the helpless farm boy’s legs. The girls giggled hysterically as the farm boy started squealing in terror while Alison’s aunt carried out the gelding. After Alison’s aunt had sewn up the farm boy’s empty scrotum, he was released from the stocks and Alison’s aunt told him she hoped he realized that she had had to geld him for his own good. She told the farm boy that she was going to add his family jewels to her large collection.

I couldn’t believe the story I was hearing and I was also distracted by how hot and bursting my cock felt. I was soon shooting spurt after spurt of thick hot come in front of the giggling excited girls. After I was finished milking my oozing prick in front of the girls, they told me to clean up and drive a little further down the road. We pulled into a farmyard and were met by a voluptuous, bare breasted woman. I was embarrassed because I was still naked from the waist down. The woman was Alison’s aunt, and when she leaned in the passenger side window to say hello, she immediately noticed my glistening, half-hard prick. Alison’s aunt lost no time in ordering me to get out of the car and follow her into the barn. Soon, I was naked and helpless, strapped into the gelding stocks. A few minutes later, Alison’s aunt starting working, I started squealing, and the girls started giggling.

Categories
story text

Milestones: The Wife

Here’s another milestone in my castration fetish.

This is quite a long one since it covers my 10-year marriage.

I met my wife-to-be when both our lives had train-wrecked. We both desperately needed structure and direction and we clung to each other. My wife was three years older, half-Italian and very bossy which was just what I needed.

We met when I was 23, married at 25 and divorced at 34. And the end of my marriage also marked the end of my real-world sexual relationships. Just as well, too messy, really.

I list the hot bits of my marriage below. I occasionally still find their memory arousing.

Farnham’s Freehold

My wife was quite a fan of science fiction. One day she was reading Robert Heinlein’s “Farnham’s Freehold”, at the end of which one of the characters submits to castration. So just for fun she asked me to get naked and tuck my balls up in-between my legs so she could see what I looked like castrated. I jumped to do as she asked. I found it very arousing.

She made no mention of my castration fetish during this scene.

I was 26.

Bisexual Tease

Before we were married my wife had recently shacked up with a tough street punk. One day her boyfriend’s younger brother came to stay over at their place. Her boyfriend and his brother were both bi and had had sex with each other before so they decided to get it on that night while my wife lay beside them and watched. The younger brother squealed with pain and pleasure and came just from being fucked.

After I told my wife about the little gay fling I’d had she teased me a few times about how much I would love taking it up the ass like the younger brother had and that I’d squeal and cum like he did. I found both the idea of being sodomized and the emasculation of being teased about it arousing.

I was 26.

Castration Roleplay

My wife started giving me handjobs fairly early on. And on two occasions she gave me a special treat by doing some castration roleplay.

The set up was that I belonged to a small herd of ‘studs’ kept in a barn by some dominant women that milked them for their sperm. My wife told me she had come to do my milking. As she stroked my cock she informed me that my sperm production had fallen too low and that this was my last chance to meet my quota. If I didn’t produce enough I would lose everything, my cock and my balls. I begged her to give me another chance but she told me it was too late, no more chances. I asked her what would happen after I was castrated and she said my cock and balls would be hung around my neck and I would have to milk the other studs.

When I came she laughed and said, “It’s not enough! It’ll all have to come off!”

Of course I loved this but the miserable bitch refused to do it again. She said she didn’t think it was healthy.

I was 28.

Handjob Queen

I guess neither of us really liked having regular sex with each other. So giving me handjobs became our main form of sex. She gave great handjobs, slow and teasing to begin with and then faster and more urgent when I got near cumming.

She would be fully dressed and I would be naked. I would lay back on the couch while she lubed me up. She sat cross-legged between my legs. I loved it. I loved being pampered and I loved the embarrassment and humiliation of being so totally open and exposed while I was experiencing my most private and intense sensations.

She surprised me by finger fucking me on one occasion while she was jerking me off and it was heavenly. But she refused to do it again. I should have been more insistent and proactive. I’m so bovine.

This phase of our sex life started when I was 30 and continued for the rest of our marriage.

Hellbeast

She was a fuckin’ Hellbeast.

Categories
story text

Milestones: Suckin’ a Cock

Here’s another unhappy milestone in my castration fetish.

When I was 22 I had a brief homosexual experience.

I met Ty, an openly gay college student, and started hanging around his apartment. I was just a working-stiff at that point. He had some effeminate mannerisms but was mostly masculine.

Ty was going to a prestige college and I had a slavish reverence for such people which had been browbeaten into me by my crazy older sister. Being bookish and over-educated this reverence is something I’ve never outgrown.

I smoked Ty’s pot and listened to, and bought my own copies of, his records. I figured that I might be able to absorb some of his special intelligence if I listened to his music. I’ve since realized that most of Ty’s music was bland, empty art rock. Music meant a lot to me in those days.

I now realize that Ty wanted to get it on with me right from the start but he was really very sweet and patient. He waited until one night when I was drunk to really come on to me. I initially rejected the offer and left his apartment. But once I got out on the street I decided that it might be fun after all and went back in.

We got naked and went to bed. Ty was really into kissing so we did that for a while. The kissing was OK but I didn’t like all that scratchy beard stubble. We played with each other’s cocks and I went down and sucked on his for a while. Then I told him to finish himself off, which he did. He cum was stringy instead of gooey like my own. I resisted his attempts to cuddle and proceeded to pass out. We never had a repeat.

I now regret not having done more things with Ty, especially taking it up the ass. I was too obsessed with defending my masculine dignity to let myself go.

A while later I had some emotional problems and I blew up at him and said some ugly, angry things he didn’t deserve. I’m a swine.

I’ve never been able to find out what happened to Ty. I fear he fell victim to the AIDS epidemic that began a few years later. Anyway, God bless him.

Categories
story text

Milestones: Poppin’ a Cherry

Here’s another painful milestone in my castration fetish.

22 was a pivotal year for me.

I hooked up with Wendy, a newly-graduated nurse. It was spring. It was all very lovey-dovey. I remember passionately making out with her for over an hour in the middle of the day in my parked car near the nursing student dorm.

From the neck up Wendy was sweet, mousy and elfin. From the neck down she had that skinnyness that comes from being young and nervous. Naked she looked like an underfed young monkey. Kind of sad and pathetic. Her flesh reminded me of Silly Putty.

Wendy wanted me to take her virginity. It was so awful, both witnessing her pain and blood and being the cause of it. It took so long, I had to ram into her again and again and again. The experience was quite traumatic for me and it had a deep, lasting impact. As for Wendy, she pretty much took it in stride.

I can’t relate to macho fantasies about taking a girl’s virginity at all. And to this day I can’t stand to listen to Rod Stewart’s obnoxious porno pop song, “Tonight’s the Night (Gonna Be Alright)”.

This will sound strange, but I took Wendy’s experience into myself and converted it into becoming a deep part of my castration fantasy life. I’ve tried to capture this in some of the stories I’ve written.

In the end I rudely broke it off with Wendy because she was more interested in ‘antiquing’ than having sex. I’m a swine.

Categories
story text

Milestones: Career Masturbator

Here’s another milestone in my castration fetish.

Club Magazine

When I was 21 I found a copy of “Club” magazine in the employee’s toilet in the bus station diner where I worked. It had a long letter from a reader in it that really blew my mind. It was an intense masturbation humiliation story. Masturbation humiliation is my strongest fetish other than castration. And published instances of it are rare. And I actually believed the story in the letter was true for quite a while. Silly me.

But the point I want to make is that this really marked the beginning of my life as a career masturbator. And it showed my strong preference for the textual narrative porn I was to find in magazines and, later, online.

I squandered a fair amount of loose change on those little “Penthouse Letters/Variations” half-size mags in the ’80s and ’90s. I’d get them home and tear through them in 15 minutes and only rarely find anything hot. My latest hot femdom/bisexual find is some postings by CuckoldGuy over on Literotica.

Here’s the link for the story.

Bukowski

At this same time I happened to notice a copy of the “LA Free Press” lying on the floor of my crazy older sister’s apartment. What it was doing there I don’t know since we didn’t live on the West Coast.

It had an article about what an obnoxious, verbally abusive, drunken asshole Bukowski was. This piqued my interest and I read all his short stories and novels. And while I’ve never been an avid fan he did inspire me to be an anti-social loner and to try my own hand at writing little stories.

Categories
story text

Milestones: “Blow by Blow”

Here’s another milestone in my castration fetish.

When I was 18 I spotted some paperback books on display on the bottom shelf of a bookstore in a small college town. The covers were very eye-catching, just solid light-yellow with no graphics, just titles and authors. There were five or six titles. They were all gay porn. I bought one out of curiosity. It was “Blow by Blow” by Jay Greene.

When I got it home it turned out to be pretty arousing. There were five stories but I can only remember three of them, which I re-tell below.

I’d love to read it again but no one has seen fit to make it available online.

Title Story

This one was about two college freshmen, a bold one and a shy one. At one point in the story the bold one says he’s going to overcome the shy one’s shyness “blow by blow”. Here’s what I remember:

Early on, the two boys are in a big shower room together. The shy one gets an erection while looking at the bold one who laughs and points it out causing some embarrassment.

Later that night, the shy one is lying in his bed in his single dorm room jerking off and thinking about the bold one when the bold one unexpectedly lets himself into the room, comes over to the bed, bends over, reaches under the covers and takes over. The shy one is embarrassed and flustered and starts to object. The bold one says, “If you don’t like it, do it back to me,” i.e., as a sort of tit-for-tat revenge. The bold one opens up his PJs and his stiff cock “towers in the dark”. With a frightened gulp the shy one reaches over and grasps it. They stroke each other and cum while looking into each other’s eyes.

This breaks the ice and they become good friends and start getting together regularly. The sex play starts with mutual masturbation but soon progresses to sucking each other off. The bold one is fairly experienced but the shy one is a total virgin and the feel and taste of the bold one’s cock in his mouth the first time he sucks it is intense.

For some reason the bold one has always been in the habit of spitting out the cum he receives. So the shy one flaunts his new-found boldness by swallowing the other’s cum.

Cocksucker!

This one is a silly, totally implausible sexual revenge fantasy. In it a gay guy manipulates a verbally abusive construction worker into having sex with him. Here’s what I remember:

The gay guy walks past a construction site every day on the way to work and the workers always shout verbal abuse, especially “cocksucker!”

One afternoon the gay guy runs into one of the hunky construction workers after work. (I’m going to abbreviate these two characters, GG and CW, in the re-telling below.)

CW tells GG that he’s married with children and doesn’t get much sex from his wife and he expresses interest in what kind of sex gay gays have. GG proposes showing CW a gay porn film he has back at his apartment.

GG plays the gay porn film. CW becomes aroused and demands a blow job. GG insists they get naked first. GG starts sucking CW’s cock while they’re lying on the floor in a 69 position. The porn movie is left playing. The visual stimulus of the hot oral sex happening on the screen combined with the thick luscious cock dangling in his face causes CW to tentatively start sucking on it and he winds up swallowing GG’s cum.

Things progress such that CW wants to learn about anal sex so he ‘demands’ GG finger fuck his ass. He keeps ‘demanding’ that more fingers be inserted until GG ‘cunningly’ substitutes his own cock. CW doesn’t realize what’s being done to him but he gets into it and cums at the same moment GG is cumming in his ass.

When it comes time to leave CW is quite meek and subdued and he thanks GG for what he’s been shown. As he leaves GG looks at the departing CW and smugly thinks to himself, “cocksucker!”

Forgot the Title

Don’t remember much about this one. It’s about a teenage hustler who lets older men suck him off in movie theaters and highway rest areas and picks their pockets as well.

Deliverance

I made a point of leaving this book in an out-of-the-way closet in the family summer cottage just to annoy my mom. But she got her revenge by handing me a copy of the issue of “The Atlantic” that featured a long excerpt from James Dickey’s soon-to-be bestseller “Deliverance”. This excerpt included the infamous hillbilly anal-rape scene. She told me she thought I’d be interested. Miserable old witch.