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Milestones: Victorian Porn

Here is another milestone in my castration fetish.

My 14-15 years were a busy time but luckily I was able to discover some erotica.

Although I rarely revisit them, even after 50 years these excerpts still have the power to arouse.

My Secret Life

This happened when I was 14.

I must have read about it in an ad in “Playboy”. A new magazine of erotica was announced called “Avant Garde” and it was being published by the same guy that had published the famous “Eros” magazine, although I was too young to remember “Eros”.

The thing that really grabbed me about this ad was the offer of a book to be given away to charter subscribers. The book was a complete edition of the famous Victorian sex memoir, “My Secret Life”. I was eager for real-life descriptions of sex and I’ve always been a sucker for ‘complete’ or ‘original’.

It was a big disappointment when it finally came. The book was huge and unwieldy and difficult to read. The binding was cheap glue that immediately cracked when I opened it causing pages to fall out. And the content was dull, repetitive and often disgusting. I gave up on reading it fairly quickly.

Oh, and “Avant Garde” sucked too.

I finally read a much shorter, edited version of “My Secret Life” a few years ago and it was very good. Not that erotic but certainly entertaining and enlightening.

The Pearl

I discovered “The Pearl” when I was 15. It’s 650 pages of classic Victorian porn.

Roughly 75% is devoted to straight sex, the rest is devoted to women ‘birching’ each other. Once again, I felt confused that none of the straight sex really aroused me. And I had no interest in the woman-on-woman stuff.

Only two passages aroused me. Here is a summary of the first one followed by a link:

A girl discovers her brother taking advantage of one of her girlfriends and punishes him by birching him in front of a small group of her girlfriends. The birching causes the boy to have an embarrassing ejaculation.

Here’s the link: Lady Pokingham Vol. II

I loved the incest, all the girls watching and the humiliation of the involuntary ejaculation.

Here is the other passage. It’s very brief. It just describes a young man giving his friend a spur-of-the-moment blow job.

Here’s the link: Sub-Umbra

I loved how free and easy it was and the submissive aspect.

Autobiography of a Flea

The following embarrassing incident happened when I was 15.

I discovered this famous book late one hot summer night in my older brother’s bedroom. He and his wife were both absent at the time.

While browsing through I stumbled upon one passage that literally blew my mind. I stripped off my clothes and ran around the neighborhood naked until the police spotted me and picked me up.

Here’s a summary and link:

The story is set in the 18th century. A girl walks along a rural country path and stops to watch two horses having sex in a field. She notices a peasant boy is already there watching the horses and openly masturbating. She boldly goes over to him and takes over jerking him off till he cums.

Here’s the link: Autobiography of a Flea

I loved the passivity of the boy, the devilish aggressiveness and delight of the girl and the open, brazen spectacle of the copious ejaculation.

Little Richard

I started to get into music when I was 15. My older brother gave me his beat-up old portable stereo and his beat-up old 1950s records. I found Little Richard to be electrifying. I’d lay in bed and my whole body would be rigid and tingling with rapture. This showed a strong feminine side in me.

Library Stains

During the second half of my 15th year I adopted a strict new daily regimen. This included concentrating on my homework by studying in the basement stacks of a local college library every day. Perversely, I also got into the habit of leaving long semen stains on the white walls down at the end of each row of the stacks. I must have left about two dozen. They turned kind of yellowish brown after a while.

Furtively masturbating in semi-secluded public places during quiet, off-hours became a silly little hobby of mine during my teen years. It was only an occasional thing.

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Milestones: Family Matters

Here’s another milestone in the development of my castration fetish.

My 14-15 years were intense. Puberty was right behind me and my first teen years found me clueless and out of it. And this milestone is actually kind of painful.

And I suppose I should mention here that I’ve never been what one would call a chronic or compulsive masturbator.

Nude Photos

My crazy older sister came home from college and bragged to me about having nude photos in her luggage that were taken by her photographer boyfriend. When she went to bed I rummaged through her luggage, got them out and used them for onanistic purposes. There was one color one taken in the woods that really showed off her ‘charms’.

The next day she confronted me about her luggage being disarranged. I denied doing anything. I’ve always suspected she wanted me to look at them.

Trimphant Castratrix

I made a sort of confession to my crazy older sister one day while she was doing some simple task in the kitchen of our family home. I told her I had had a dream/fantasy of her castrating me and then holding my severed scrotum up in the air in a gesture of triumph. She laughed it off and to humor me she even pantomimed the gesture.

I think it’s pretty clear that in this instance it was I that was the crazy one.

Wisdom Teeth

My mother took me to have my wisdom teeth surgically removed. She made no effort to prepare me for it. Everything about it was unexpected and disturbing. And my mom was so silent, cold and stern both on the way over and back.

I experienced feelings of betrayal, abandonment and guilt. It felt like a sort of punitive correction. It also resonated with feelings from back during my time in traction when I was two years old. Oh, and it was a male oral surgeon by the way.

Hall Mirror Stain

My mother had a set of three almost full-length mirrors installed in a closed-off hallway at the back of our house. The middle mirror was flat against the wall and the side mirrors were on hinges that swung out so that you could stand inside them and see all around yourself.

One day my mother asked me to come and look at the mirrors. On the middle one there was a long white dried semen stain. She said she knew it had to be either myself or my older brother. She must have been able to tell from my stricken expression that it was me. She told me to clean it up and bitched about how she already had enough to clean up every day around the house.

I think she later come to regret having been so tactless.

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“The Pony Play Club”, femdom castration fantasy

George and Emily are newlyweds, married less than a year.

When Emily discovers pony play files on their laptop she just smiles. She has dated enough before meeting George to know that all men have funny kinks. And besides, she has secrets too.

Emily reveals her discovery to George in a gentle and loving way. He blushes and hangs his head in shame. He is surprised when Emily tells him she would like to learn more about his special interest. And in this way she gradually worms her way into becoming an essential part of his fetish.

In only a short while they have both fully embraced the fetish and immerse themselves in it on weekends.

They find a quiet meadow in a secluded part of a nearby woods to engage in some of this play. Emily trots George around the meadow while stinging his bottom with her whip. George has big balls and is hung like horse.

The pony play sessions always end with a milking, performed either by Emily or by George milking himself while she leers and grins devilishly.

George and Emily live in a rural area which is home to a small agricultural college. Part of the college is a small veterinary school. Emily suggests that George might like to learn more about the veterinary school since it routinely handles large animals like ponies.

Emily arranges for them to be given a special private tour of the veterinary school. Their guide is the head professor of the school, a very confident and attractive women in her early 40s. The tour ends in the gelding center.

The professor shows them one of the gelding stalls and explains the purposes of the restraining straps and other equipment. George becomes flustered and aroused. The professor looks at Emily with a quizzical and enquiring smile. Emily shyly explains that George is into pony play. The professor smiles and says she understands fully and that she has had some experience with pony play people. They ask her to tell them more.

Turns out there is a small pony play club in a nearby town. The president of the club contacted the professor and invited her to give a talk about her work at a club meeting.

All the club members were dressed in their usual pony play gear for the talk with the exception that their genitals were covered with a modesty crotch covering.

When the professor got around to discussing the important topic of gelding she noticed that many in the audience had become aroused and were sneakily stimulating themselves.

She smiled. It amused her to see that. She was familiar with the response. She had seen it before in males.

A week after the talk she got a message from the president of the club that was very pushy and almost demanded to be given a private appointment with her. He said he urgently needed more practical info about gelding.

She told him to meet her at the gelding center on a Sunday when no one else would be around. On the given day she found him waiting impatiently outside when she got there. Once inside she told him to put on his pony play gear but to omit the modesty crotch covering.

She snorted in amused surprise as he appeared before her with his low hanging sac with it’s two big balls and his big human-pony pizzle already swollen to half hardness.

She led him to one of the gelding stalls and fastened the straps that held him tightly in place. His pizzle had become fully erect and pointed at the ceiling.

She asked him if he knew what she was going to do to him. He just whimpered. She didn’t bother milking him. She just started right in and soon it was all over.

A couple weeks after that she began getting similar requests from some of the other club members. She was only too happy to oblige.

This story caused George to get even more flustered and aroused. Looking from one to the other the professor asks Emily what she would like to do. Emily’s eyes twinkle and she smiles brightly as she asks to be given one of those Sunday appointments for her George. When George hears this he shudders and cums in his pants making a big wet stain in them. The women see it and laugh while George cringes and blushes with embarrassment.

When the special day arrives George is soon strapped in tight in the gelding stall. Emily asks permission to milk George one last time and the professor grants it with a good-natured smile. When his ejaculation comes it is volcanic and copious.

The professor explains to Emily that she always likes to take off her top when she is doing a gelding. Emily nods approval and the professor takes off her blouse and bra letting her fine, firm breasts swing free. She is obviously excited and her big nipples stick out stiffly.

George’s balls are quite big, like nectarines. While the professor is gelding him she talks to Emily about how delicious cooked testicles can be. Emily is shocked at first but soon titters with delight at the idea. The professor says they are extra delicious because you know you are eating a male’s precious manhood that he has lost forever. When the professor invites Emily over to dinner in order to experience it she readily agrees. The professor pops George’s severed balls into a doggy bag just as they go to leave.

George is still on pain killers when Emily returns from her dinner with the professor. Emily wears a broad, happy smile. George asks her how it went. She just smiles at him and winks.

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“A Gelded Gift” by Semax123, femdom castration fantasy

Here’s the link.

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“Mrs. Boxworth” by Anonymous, femdom castration fantasy

It was very sad and ironic. I had just turned 18 and was due to be released from the orphanage at the end of the school term. But then this had to happen.

I entered the office of Mrs. Boxworth, the Headmistress of the orphanage, with trepidation. She sat at her desk, wearing a high-necked white blouse and a black skirt that reached to her ankles, not quite covering the high-top black shoes. The blouse swelled in front, asserting the presence of her magnificent breasts that was famous among the boys of the school, almost as famous as the severity of her punishments. I handed her the note I was carrying from my classroom teacher. She read it with arched eyebrows and a grim, determined smile.

“So, James, Miss Sullivan has sent you to me for ‘special’ discipline. You have been very, very wicked. Do you admit your offense?”

“Yes ma’am, Miss Sullivan . . . saw me.”

“And will you please describe your iniquity to me?”

“I … I was in the restroom … you know, touching myself.”

She drew in her breath sharply. “I see. James, that practice is not only disgusting and immoral, but more harmful than you can even know. I shall have to punish you very severely, for your own good.”

Mrs. Boxworth led me into a small adjoining room, and closed the heavy door behind us. In the center of the room was a straight-backed wooden chair, of curious design I had not seen before. A large U-shaped gap bit into the front edge of the seat, so that an occupant would be supported along his thighs and buttocks, but his crotch would hang suspended over the gap. A low stool stood in front of it. An assortment of whips, paddles, and rods of various shapes hung on one wall. I knew that I was in for a whipping, but the array of implements puzzled me: they all seemed too flimsy and light of weight to do much damage to a teenage boy’s buttocks. I began to have an ominous sense of foreboding, without understanding why. “What … what are you going to do to me, Mrs. Boxworth?” “This is your first time to receive ‘special’ discipline, isn’t it, James. Of course, you are to be spanked, but I think that you will find that it far exceeds your expectations. Now remove your britches and underwear, please.”

School spankings were always administered on bare flesh, and I was not surprised at her order. I dropped my trousers and stepped out of them, standing shyly before her, naked from the waist down. I expected the usual “bend over and grab your ankles”; but instead, she set me in the half-bottomed chair and produced four short leather straps with which she bound my hands behind the back of the chair and my ankles to the chair legs. Finally she took a wooden rod that terminated at each end in a padded “Y” and placed it between my legs, looping leather thongs around each knee to keep it in place. The rod held my legs widely apart, and my naked genitals, dangling above the gap in the seat, were fully exposed to her. I was terribly anxious at these proceedings.

“What is that for? Please, Mrs. Boxworth, what are you going to do to me?”

She smiled, and explained, “The discipline you are about to receive is ‘special’ because it is applied to the ‘special’ parts of a young man, on which whipping is most effective. This brace will keep your legs separated, and you readily accessible.”

I could scarcely believe what she was implying. “What… what do you mean?”

“Don’t you understand yet? I mean, James, that you are to be whipped on your male organs.” I shuddered in horror. “No! Please! I couldn’t bear it!”

She looked at me with genuine sympathy, and gently stroked my cheek. “Then pray for courage.”

She withdrew from the wall a short rod that broadened at the end into a small paddle, rather like a miniature carpet beater. She drew the stool up in front of me and sat down. “Now James, we are ready to begin. I have secured you into this position so that you may watch the proceedings. I’m sure they will interest you greatly.”

She held her implement in front of my eyes. The small paddle on the end was cupped, rather like a soup ladle, and I shuddered to think for what purpose. “We call this the ‘slapper,’ and you will come to know it well; it will be your faithful friend in leading you from the paths of iniquity.”

She moved the slapper between my legs and brought it up slowly to my testicles, which fit neatly into the cup of the paddle, and hefted them in a gentle, almost caressing motion, “It is appropriate, is it not, to apply the discipline here, for these small Glands and their little appendix were the seat of your offense. Perhaps you did not know, as you were engaged in that loathsome act, that they can provide agony even beyond the wildest ecstasy?”

In spite of my fear, the gentle oscillation of my organs began to have an effect. My penis stretched and reared its head. “James! What is the meaning of this lewd insolence! Do you flaunt your carnality even in my face? Cease this disgusting display at once!” I pleaded, “But Mrs. Boxworth, I can’t help it when you… you’re making it …”

“What, do you blame me for your wantonness? I’ll make you sorry!” She lowered the rod and then with a flick of her wrist brought it up sharply between my legs. There was no doubt of her practiced skill as the paddle made precise impact with my testicles in a clearly audible “spat”. A searing pain gripped my viscera and I howled in misery.

“There, that’s better. Your member has lost its lascivious tension. What, are you in pain already? But we’re just beginning. Watch, James.” I tried to close my thighs to protect the vulnerable targets, but the brace kept them apart. She delivered three more quick slaps to my manhood, leaving me shivering in agony.

“Now, young man, as I have your attention, we will discuss the loathsome practice of self-abuse.” She began telling me of the evil and injury resulting from the practice of my vice, punctuating her words with regular assaults on my genital sacs. She applied the punishment in unhurried, measured strikes. Each began with a swift upward flick of her wrist, executed with a practiced skill, catching my dangling testicles precisely in the cup of the slapper with a quiet but devastating “spat”. As the resulting wave of pain and nausea washed over me, she held the slapper against my glands, cradling them in a soothing gesture. As the agony began to gradually subside, she slowly lowered her wrist and began again.

The torment I suffered was awful, worse than I could ever have imagined. Yet after some time, an unexplainable transformation began to take place. The pain was no less, but its very intensity confused and altered my senses. I felt a glowing heat at the core of my manhood, and the ache crossed over and became an indescribable sweetness. With each upward sweep of the slapper I began to welcome the blows on my tender bulbs, to relish being tied helplessly before this terrible but beautiful woman. I felt myself opening to her, spreading my legs and sliding my hips forward, offering my vulnerable maleness to her intimate caress. Through a haze I thought I saw just the trace of a smile on her lips.

Finally she ceased, put away the slapper, and allowed me to catch my breath. “You took that well, James, with humility and acceptance. Now we are ready for your next lesson. “Returning to the wall, she took down another implement, a wooden rod about a foot long to which a half-dozen short leather straps dangled from the end. She sat down and pointed the rod at my penis, a shriveled bud after the punishment of my glands.

“Now we shall address another part of your person, James. It is this small member that was the object of your lascivious mischief, was it not?”

“Are you going to . . . beat it like the other?”

“Yes, and no, James. We will whip it, certainly, but our purpose will be somewhat different as you shall presently see.”

She began flicking the whip back and forth across my flaccid penis. The punishment was surprisingly gentle, producing a light stinging that was almost pleasant, and certainly stimulating. My member, well trained by the regular but unsophisticated attentions of my own hand, began to respond the novel sensations. I recalled her earlier displeasure at this response and tried to suppress its insurrection by force of will, but it rose rebelliously in my lap.

“Well, James, it seems as if our work is not yet finished. Would you care to explain this manifestation?”

“I’m sorry! I know it’s wrong, but I can’t help it.” I knew better than to imply that it was her actions producing my insolent erection.

To my surprise, Mrs. Boxworth accepted my apology. “I know, James, I know. This organ is surely the seat of a young man’s temptations. It recognizes no master, but arises disobediently at its own impulse, and subordinates his will to its own voluptuous needs. See how it lewdly swells and puts itself forth to my whip, though I know you struggle against it.”

“I’m trying to make it .. . go down, but it won’t.” I was thoroughly off balance now by her unexpected sympathy. She continued to flick the whip across my erect penis from side to side, with increasing intensity. The whipping leather stung and turned my bobbing organ an extraordinary shade of red, but I found the sensations far from unpleasant.

“No, James, it is too strong for you alone. Do you feel how your member throbs and stings, James? The very Devil is in your flesh, and we must draw him out. We must whip the Devil out of your member, James, and make your organ humble and obedient once more. Will you work with me, James? Will you work to push the Devil out?”

I had no idea what she was talking about. I only knew I wanted the delicious stinging whip to continue nipping at my ruddy penis. I could feel myself becoming increasingly excited, and my member was emitting small clear droplets of arousal.

“You must bear down as I whip you, James, and press the Devil out. Your male organs are full of the Devil’s own spunk, and we must rid you of it. We’ve loosened it up in your glands with the slapper, and now I’m going to whip the semen out of your member.”

She maintained the maddening stinging rain on my penis, as I arched my hips in the chair to meet the whip. I could not believe this was happening, but I did not question it. The combination of pain and pleasure in my organ transported me into an almost unbearable rapture. “Please, whip it, whip the semen out. Oh! Mrs. Boxworth! I feel . . . Oh!”

“It’s starting, James, the Devil is starting to let go. Press him dear, bear down and push the Devil’s semen out.”

She continued to whip my penis from side to side as it throbbed and jerked, and the spasms of release began. But when the first pearly stream burst from the tip of my penis, she withheld the whip, and encouraged me only with words. “There, that’s it, James. Push for us. Push the Devil out of your member.”

I was wild with urgency as she stood idly aside, watching my penis ejaculating nakedly by itself. “Please, ma’am, please! Whip it! Whip it some more!” I begged, desperate for her touch.

“No, James, I’ve done my work. We must not tempt the Devil with further whipping, because he is making it feel too good right now. Just go ahead and squeeze inside yourself, and express all the semen for me.”

I thrashed in my bonds, trying desperately to find a way to rub my spasming penis on something. In an agony of frustration I watched my naked and lonely organ, untouched, spurt jet after jet of sperm into the empty air.

As I sat in the afterglow of release, covered in my own male juices, I thought that there was an end. But Mrs. Boxworth had one more surprise for me. Turning to the wall once more, she took down an ivory-handled knife, with a short blade that curved at the end into a cruel hook. The light gleamed on the blade, which I saw was sharpened on the inside of the curve.

She reached down and encircled the neck of my scrotum with thumb and forefinger, pinching my aching glands painfully. Her other hand took the knife and held the wicked curve of the blade against my sac, gently feeling for the precious testicles hidden but vulnerable inside. I shuddered at the touch of the cold steel on the wrinkled skin of my scrotum. “We have covered much ground today, James. I hope that you have learned enough. But if these arguments have not convinced you, there is one final measure I will take. Castration will surely put an end to your vicious habit. I would rather prune these fruit of carnality with the gelding blade and let you live you live as a neuter, than allow them to lead you to utter ruin.”

Her words filled me with indescribable terror. I had no doubt of her earnestness. “Please, please, Mrs. Boxworth, don’t! I promise to be good!”

She slid the razor-sharp knife over my scrotum, shaving off the hairs. A few flicks of the blade, and I was as smooth and hairless as a newborn babe. “There, that will serve as a reminder, when next you feel inclined to yield to your unnatural urges. Remember that if you are caught abusing your balls again, I shall take more than your pubic hairs.” I looked down at my pink, denuded scrotum and blushed in humiliation.

There was no more punishment. She released me, and told me to reflect carefully on what she had said. I left her office, walking slowly and awkwardly, wincing with every step at the lingering ache in my testicles, but as I walked and relived the incredible punishment in my mind, another feeling grew within my loins, welling up and consuming all else. I rushed into the hall lavatory and locked myself within the toilet. Beside myself with urgency that belied my recent release under her whip, I tore open my trousers and stroked my member to a furious, shuddering climax, spraying the walls of the toilet. with the jets of my semen. Finally at ease, I rearranged my clothing when the door of the toilet was opened and there stood Mrs. Boxworth with a smile and evil gleam in her eye. “Well I see I going to prune your fruit after all” and she grabbed my arm and starting dragging me down the hall. I started crying and screaming trying to get away, but she was too strong and shook me as I fought her, I was crying out “NO, NO, DON’T DO THIS TO ME!”

She merely laughed and said “You should have learned from the last lesson I taught you, now I am going to solve this problem permanently!” I screamed in terror and fell to the floor as I saw the half-bottomed chair and the four short leather straps with which she had used bind my hands behind the back of the chair and my ankles to the chair legs last time. I again jumped up and fought her with every fiber of my young body. I broke away and was headed to the door just when Miss Sullivan came though the door. I ran directly into her capturing arms.

Mrs. Boxworth said “hold him Alice” then Mrs. Boxworth grabbed my jacket shoulders pulling the jacket shoulders down pinning my arms behind me while Miss Sullivan grabbed my head and hair. I screamed, “Mrs. Boxworth is going to hurt me!, Help me!” Miss Sullivan laughed and said “Jane are you going help him to a better world?” Mrs. Boxworth laughed and said, “He can’t control his own urging and castration is the only solution for a young boy like him, Alice please help get him ready to receive the treatment.” Alice held me tight while Mrs. Boxworth started working on the belt of my trousers. I Felt her hands loosen the belt and I tried to break away but Miss Sullivan held me tight. Quickly Mrs. Boxworth found the button on my pants and unzipped me. dropping my pants to the floor. I screamed again and Miss Sullivan said, “Can’t you do something about his noise Jane?” Mrs. Boxworth said, ” Alice I have a gag I always use when pruning boy fruit, wait while I just reach behind me.” She took something off the hook behind the door that looking like a horse’s harness, saying to Miss Sullivan, “Alice hold his head up”. I tried to break away again but Miss Sullivan grabbed me hard saying to Mrs. Boxworth, “Jane you need to relax him” Mrs. Boxworth reached inside my underwear rapped her hand around my scrotum and squeezed tightly, I screamed and passed out.

When I came to I was aware that I was again tied in the open bottomed chair and I could not say a word because my head had a leather gag tied to my mouth covering all but my nose and eyes. I watched Mrs. Boxworth and Miss Sullivan sit on Mrs. Boxworth desk, they both were almost naked holding each other close and were kissing each other hard on the mouth. Mrs. Boxworth said to Miss Sullivan, ” I love to castrate young boys as cute and sweet as him. They are all too innocent and their nasty balls change them. “I know” said Miss Sullivan “I am really getting turned on with the thought of this castration myself. I really think almost all men and boys should be castrated except those we would keep for breeding purposes and those men should be castrated after 30 years of age, so they don’t father any retards” Mrs. Boxworth nodded and said, “I have to agree with you, Alice most men think with their balls instead of their head and most of the problems come from men”. She then took Miss Sullivan to her and kissed her full on the mouth while caressing the younger woman’s breasts. Miss Sullivan moaned, and moved her hands to the larger breasts of Mrs. Boxworth caressing the nipples between her thumbs and forefingers. Mrs. Boxworth moaned a deep happy sound and kissed Miss Sullivan harder. I dropped my head and closed my eyes as the two women had sex with each other.

I heard the to women stop making noises as they grew quite, then I heard Miss Sullivan call, “Jane I am concerned won’t he bleed when his balls are cut off?” Mrs. Boxworth said. “When they are at this age there is a little blood but they bounce back quickly.” Mrs. Boxworth got off her desk and said, “I have to give him something to make him somewhat more cooperative before I take his balls off”. Miss Sullivan said “What is that?” as Mrs. Boxworth produced a syringe and a bottle. Sticking the needle into the bottle she due out an amount of the fluid and tapped the syringe and smiled. “I get it from my sister, who is a doctor” she said smiling “she has found a large number of men in the town requiring castration with cancer of the testicles or prostrate, they usually beat their wives. It is surprising how much that happens” and she and Miss Sullivan laughed.

Mrs. Boxworth took the syringe and looked me in the eyes and said “this will make your change easier”. I started crying, as she walked across the floor towards me smiling “Oh he so cute.” I tried to scream as the needle hit a vein and she squirted the liquid into me. I became light headed and the room seemed to spin around. Mrs. Boxworth raised my head up and looked into my eyes smiled and looked over to Miss Sullivan and said, “He is almost ready.” I could not seem to focus on anything but knew I wanted to escape” Miss Sullivan walked around and lifted my head again and asked, “Jane I am so turned on, can we do him now?” Mrs. Boxworth looked into my eyes again and said, “he is ready, If you want to watch you have to wash him and yourself before I castrate him.” Miss Sullivan walked over and removed a wash basin from the Mrs. Boxworths closet and carried it over the taps and began filling the basin. She asked, “Jane do you want me to wash him with this soap bar?” Mrs. Boxworth told her no there was liquid soap next to basin and told her to make sure the water was very warm but not hot.

Miss Sullivan approached me with the wash basin and warm soapy water and began washing my penis and balls pulling on my scrotum and squeezing my sore ballsack. She called over her shoulder, “his scrotum is already shaved Jane” as she worked the soap into my scrotum. Mrs. Boxworth said, `I know I shaved him less that two hours ago, I had no idea I would be pruning his fruit so soon.”

I felt sick and light headed and room began to spin again, when I heard Miss Sullivan say, “Jane he has a erection just when his balls are going to be cut off”. She smiled and continued washing me, working my scrotum. Mrs. Boxworth was washing at the sink and said over her shoulder, “ever heard of being scared straight” and they both laughed hard. Mrs. Boxworth finished and had gloved hands as she waked over and looking a Miss Sullivan she smiled and said, “That is good Alice now go wash up and put on the gloves I have lain out for you and you can assist in the pruning”. Miss Sullivan soon returned and I thought I was going to pass out, it would have been more merciful if I had.

Mrs. Boxworth once more, had the ivory-handled knife, with the short curved blade. The light gleamed on the blade. She reached down and encircled the neck of my scrotum with thumb and forefinger, pinching my scrotum and then releasing my scrotum. She smiled and gently placed her up turned palm under my ballsack, I realized she was weighting my testicles. “Alice his fruit is ready for picking”, and Alice came forward watching closely as Mrs. Boxworth took the knife and held the wicked curve of the blade against my sac, gently feeling for the precious testicles. I screamed inside at the touch of the cold steel on the wrinkled skin of my scrotum. Mrs. Boxworth was going to take the final measure . “This castration will surely put an end to your vicious habits” she breathed. “I am going to prune your fruits with the gelding blade and let you live your life differently.”

Her words filled me with indescribable terror.. “Please, please, Mrs. Boxworth, don’t! I promise to be good! I tried to scream around the gag”

She slid the razor-sharp knife over my scrotum, opening two cuts on either side I stared like I was outside my body and watching this happen to someone else, not me. She said to Miss Sullivan, “Now all I have to do is give his scrotum a little squeeze and there they are”. She moved her hand and I looked as my testicles were fully exposed to the air. Miss Sullivan was standing there besides Mrs. Boxworth I remember her eyes had a strange glazed look. “Now Alice all I have to do is split the membrane” as she reached for my right testicle and “cut thought the sack, pared it back, and cut the ball off”. I watched is stark disbelieve as she raised her left hand and my right testicle was in her upturned palm. “Now I going to get his left and his problems will be over”. She again reached over and closed her hand over my left testicle, moved the knife over the membrane, pared it back and made two little movements of the knife and I was castrated.

I passed out as she said, “Alice, I’m going to close, hand me the thread out of that little basin and we take him to the infirmary.”

I awoke two days later tied to the bed with a little tent over my pubic mound. Mrs. Boxworth came in and said “I’m glad you are waking up. I want you to get out of the bed,” as she untied my restraints.

I told her, “I hate you.”

She smiled and said all little boys feel like that until their hormones are adjusted, “now get up” as she uncovered my nakedness. I tried to cover myself and hit my penis. The pain was so intense I almost passed out.

“Now get up you have to pee and start moving around,” Mrs. Boxworth said sternly, grabbing me by the hair and dragging me off the the bed roughly.

I cried out against the rough treatment my young violated body was receiving. The pain between legs was searing but I did not want her to know it so I gently slowly moved to a setting position while she eyed my nakedness.

“Good now get to your feet and go pee.”

I gingerly got to my feet and tried to walk to the toilet, nearly collapsing before I reached the toilet. I leaned against the top of the toilet shaking.

She came up behind me said, “You no longer stand to pee.”

I started crying and she put her firm hand on my shoulder. I tried to pull away but I was too weak and she was too strong. She reached over and lowered the toilet seat and pushed down on my shoulder hard. I resisted her but finally sank to the seat. I felt the cold seat against my young tender cheeks and felt the dull ache between my legs. I looked at my scrotum for the first time and saw the red enflamed shrunken violated skin, and felt hot tears running down my cheeks.

Mrs. Boxworth had a huge smile on her face and said to me, “Pee then we can get you cleaned up and ready for your new life.”

I heard little over the tears and the ringing in my ears. I started to pee and felt the pain of my castration. I finished peeing and tried to get up from the toilet and began feeling light headed nearly collapsing again. She reached down and steadied me and helped me to my feet. As she did, she reached around and handled my penis. I cried out in pain again and she smiled again, “It looks like a perfect castration job, no infection, a little pain, clearing drainage at the stitches, you are going to make it.” She went on handling me and said, “You will never be able to have sex with a girl but that is just part of your new future.”

I reeled in her arms as she helped me back to bed. She laid me out and took a basin from under bed, setting down on the bed side began giving me a warm sponge bath I closed my eyes feeling hot tears flowing again as she washed my naked body. She avoided the area of my violation until the last. She then said, “Get ready for a little pain I’m going to have to clean your surgery now so do not move, it will only hurt more if you move.”

Bracing myself I felt her hand on my penis, the pain was intense but she was gentle and easy with the sponge and she told me as she washed that soon my penis would be “nice and soft” and I would not have to worry about any more erections and the male sexual urging. I felt like crying as the pain came though loud and clear with her handling me. She finally said, “I’m all done, do you want some underwear?”

I nodded my head slowly not even opening my eyes.

She said, “Good,” and I felt her get up off the bed and heard her leave the room.

She was soon back through the door with something in her hands. She said “get up darling,” I opened my eyes upon hearing this endearment used and saw to my shock the underwear she was holding did it not look like boy underwear at all. I said to her, “that’s not boy underwear.”

She merely smiled. “You’re not a boy anymore, I intend to train you, and make you a first class eunuch in body and soul.”

I started crying again and she came over and started raising me out of the bed. I started to fight back with my anger and she slapped me across the jaw so hard I saw stars.

“Now stop fighting this, I am doing you a favor by giving you a chance to have a good life as a eunuch boy.”

I started to pull away again and she said, “Do you want me to call Alice in here to help me dress you?” I only shook my head and continued sobbing. “Very well get up and step into these.” She held a pair of shiny silky panties and I steadied myself to step into the panties. As I looked in the underwear I saw something that shocked me even more.

I stopped with one foot in and said to Mrs. Boxworth, “What is that?”

She smiled and said, “A sanitary napkin, you need to wear this until the discharge from the surgery stops.”

Warm tears flowed as she pulled the panties to my then slim boyish hips, feeling the pain of my surgery pound into my head my change in life. She had castrated me, making me a eunuch boy.

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Milestones: The Gaudy Image

Here’s another formative milestone for my castration fetish.

The Gaudy Image

The next milestone came when I was 13. It was a pornographic excerpt from a little-known novel about a gay romance that was set in New Orleans in the 1950s. The book was “The Gaudy Image” by William Talsman. And although the excerpt was pornographic there was very little sex in the remainder of the novel. This appears to have been a cheap ploy to increase sales of the book.
I stumbled onto this excerpt in a 700-page anthology of excerpts published in 1965 by Grove Press in a book called “The Olympia Reader”. The excerpts are from books published by The Olympia Press. This was a famous publisher of pornographic and avant-garde literature in the 1950s and located in Paris. There was sex in a lot of the other excerpts but none of them interested me.
I have transcribed the excerpt and posted it on DeviantArt in two parts. I give links below but here is a summary:
A pair of petty criminals, Gunner and Nickie, take a room in a small rooming house. The other tenants are a boxer and a wrestler. Gunner is an ex-con and Nickie is young and innocent. Gunner alienates Nickie by sodomizing him against his will. But when the boxer sodomizes Nickie they become lovers. And when Gunner tries to force the wrestler to let Gunner sodomize him the wrestler turns the tables and sodomizes Gunner.
Here are the links:

Gunner and Nickie, part 1
Gunner and Nickie, part 2

There are 3 unexpected sexual turnabouts in the story, which I love. And I also loved the domination, humiliation and emasculation of one man using another as an object purely to obtain his own sexual gratification.
I’ve never been attracted to manly men and I’ve consumed very little gay porn over the years. But I do regret not having experimented with gay sex more when I was young. I did suck cock a couple times (in my late teens) but they were brief, half-hearted affairs.
The intense interest and arousal I got from this excerpt certainly confused me at the time.

Bossy Brainy Buzz

This was also the year I fell under the sway of a fellow junior high school student named Buzz. Buzz was an outmoded nickname for him and I never knew him as that but I’ll use it for the purposes of anonymity.
Buzz was quite an intellectual prodigy and also very domineering. I remember him lambasting me for going to summer camp that year. Nuts, huh? Like he owned me?
Buzz was gay but totally masculine and he never came out to me, or in general. And, although I didn’t realize it at time, by the time I was 16 he had become sexually infatuated with me. In retrospect, I realize Buzz was an early-bloomer, so to speak, and was very sexually aware. In contrast, I was so out of touch it was like I was frozen inside.
Buzz had quite a negative impact on my life. The main things were that he foisted Ayn Rand and computer programming on me. I was able to free myself of Rand by subscribing to the bogus mysticism of Carlos Castaneda but the computer thing blighted my life for many years. Buzz had some heavy demons and I hadn’t seen him years when he died at a fairly early age.
Anyway, the point is to show my stunted sexual awareness, my submissive personality and how I gravitated to domineering people.

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“Cinderella”(excerpt) by Titian Beresford

[Lucas and Elvert have been magically transformed into horses to pull Cinderella’s carriage.]
Lucas and Elvert stood stamping in their traces, for the first time smelling with all the keenness of an animal’s sense the luscious scent of a pretty young woman’s moist excitement. Their huge penises dangled hose-like and nearly dragged the ground in a helpless response to the sweet and pungent odor of Rachel’s slit. Lucas neighed and tossed his head, raising his nostrils into the air to catch more of the scent that drove him mad. Both horses neighed their mute and helpless torment.
Rachel turned her head and squirmed, then she giggled–the delighted sound of her merriment, soft and low, mingling with the intimate noises of their coupling. Her flashing eyes were fixed on the huge penises of Lucas and Elvert while her cheeks flushed with lascivious glee. “You nasty things! How indecent your dangling penises are. How indecent indeed! I shall have you smartly whipped for this rude affront to morality!”
Lucas and Elvert now well understood the torment of the slaves Circe transformed from men into animals in Homeric legend. To grovel, helpless and speechless, newly dull-witted at the feet of the laughing Goddess and her lewd, impudent maids, was torment enough. Yet even that subjugation was terribly compounded by the fact that their keen animal senses could smell every luscious scent from the intimate parts of their giggling feminine tormentors, a smell to drive them mad and tease them with what they could never hope to have.
Below the formal garden, viewing the opposite side of Victoria’s carriage stood two Prumm footmen in the gold and lavender livery that Godilieva favored for her servants.
Two pretty royals maids–on their way to check with a wine steward as to the whereabouts of a fine old vintage, ideal for the celebration–paused agreeably to masturbate the Prumm footmen with but scant persuasion and set themselves readily to their task. In a trice, the maids freed the two throbbing pricks and set about rapidly skinning them up and down in their lewd bare hands. As the footmen gasped and strained, eyes clenching shut in furtive pleasure, one maid caught sight of Lucas’ and Elvert’s dangling pricks. She laughed and nudged her companion with her free hand.
“Look there! See those big horses harnessed to that lovely huge carriage of silver and glass? They must wish that they were getting a little of this themselves!”
Both pretty young women giggle between exclamations of amused outrage at the carnal sight of animal excitement–even as they masturbated the now-panting Prumm footmen with their wicked hands. As the footmen leaned into the briskly rubbing hands of the smirking maids, and as their sperm splashed from their organs to glisten on the stone pavement–their masturbatrices indignantly agreed that the offending beasts should be gelded.

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Milestones: A Meek Wolf

Here is another formative milestone for my castration fetish.
The age of 12 was a very eventful one with respect to formative sexual experiences. I was maturing rapidly. I had gained my full height and puberty was in full swing.

A Meek Wolf Among Savage Lambs

My other older sister had just gotten married and I went for an overnight visit. They had a book at their apartment that was published by Playboy magazine called “Ribald Tales”. This was an anthology of short erotic pieces taken from various, sometimes obscure, classical literature sources. One of them blew my little mind. It was the first fantasy that crystalized my femdom castration fetish.
The story was “A Meek Wolf Among Savage Lambs” by Edouard Roditi. I believe it has a fairly modern setting, turn-of-the-20th-century Turkey. I give the link for the whole story below, but here’s a summary.
A writer disguises himself as a woman in order to infiltrate a Turkish harem in order to write a spicy magazine article about harems. His gender is discovered and the harem ladies order him to be castrated in order to preserve their honor.
Here’s the link: A Meek Wolf.

Those Poor Oxen

Also at this time my crazy older sister took a few moments to explain castration to me. Mostly she focused on the castration of domestic animals. For some reason her description of the lives of oxen captured my fancy. She described them as, “those poor oxen”, castrated and then harnessed up for a lifetime of hard work and drudgery. It wasn’t just the castration that appealed to me but the lifetime of humiliation and degradation. And the pathetic, shameful public spectacle of it.
I have a vivid memory of a climax I had while at summer camp that year. I can’t go into too much detail but I remember talking out loud and saying things like, “it’s a shame what they do to those poor oxen”.

Playboy Magazine

I had an older brother that was a bit of a black sheep. He had just got slapped with a paternity suit by a lower-class bimbo he was unwise enough to spend a little time with. I think this was the main motivation for my crazy older sister to buy me a subscription to Playboy in order to help me develop a healthy solo outlet so I’d be less tempted by… unsuitable partners.
Nuts, huh? And where were my parents? Their permissive attitude went way over into neglect, in retrospect.
Anyway, this was the beginning of another related fetish, masturbation humiliation, i.e., being relegated and side-lined in that respect.
Another aspect of this was that I was bewildered at why I didn’t find the photos or other erotica in these magazines to be arousing. I began to realize I wasn’t normal. I’ve always been primarily heterosexual. The problem was the power dynamic was wrong. And I have always found photographs to be cold, washed out and unengaging. I much prefer hand-drawn art.

Fixing Doggies

I remember hearing at this time my mother describing how she first learned what the euphemism, “having a dog fixed”, meant. She was quite amused when she learned what it meant, that it meant surgically treating a dog for the owner’s benefit, not the dog’s. Ever since, this usage of ‘fixed” has had fetishistic power for me.

Male Geishas

The James Bond movies starring Sean Connery were very popular at this time and I wanted to be cool and manly too so I read all the novels (didn’t really enjoy them, though).
In, “You Only Live Twice”, there is a description of a technique used by male geishas in Japan for temporarily forcing their testicles back up into their abdomen. This riveted my attention. I remember trying to describe this to my mom while we were alone together in a car, her driving and me in the passenger seat. I got all flustered and stammered and she just shrugged it off.

John Lennon

The Beatles were becoming very popular at this time and I developed a mild crush on John Lennon. This was the first step in my lifelong attraction to effeminate young men and androgynous women.

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“Sweet Marissa” (excerpt) femdom castration fantasy

Sweet Marissa
by: Anonymous Writer

Synopsis: Tim has been sneaking into his next door neighbor’s apartment to try on her lingerie. Madge and Tim’s foster mother catch him in the act. Tim is punished and all is forgotten until he does it again. This time Tim is turned over to Madge who has made special plans. Since he won’t stay out of lady’s lingerie, she is going to make absolutely sure Tim gets everything he can imagine and a lot more!

I heard the sound of traffic and awoke to see Madge driving into an underground garage. We were in the city now! She parked the car and then both ladies led me groggily to an underground elevator. We took the car up to the 30th floor and exited, then proceeded down the corridor and entered an office door. The sign on the door said “Dr. Christine Lovelli–Gynecologist!”
I began to come around and squirm as we entered the doctor’s office. I began to sob “Plea… please Madge, I’ll be good! I’ll do what ever you say from now and on, I promise. Please!” I gasped as Madge handed me off to a nurse. “Don’t worry dear, You won’t be hurt.” she said. “And you’ll see it’s all for the best.” She finished as the nurse led me out of the reception room then led me away to a changing room down the hall. The nurse took off my car coat and scarf and hung them up, then set my purse and shoes aside and returned and after taking my belt off, started unbuttoning the front of my dress. She soon had all my clothes off then handed me a hospital gown.
I tried to make an escape but soon another nurse arrived wheeling a gurney! Together, they overpowered me, tied me quickly into the hospital gown then forced me onto the cold metal table and strapped my wrists and arms down with wide fleece lined leather straps so I couldn’t move! They even strapped my chest down and my forehead to the table so I couldn’t move or raise my head! I began sobbing as they wheeled me into what looked like an examination room. Once they had me in the center of the room one of the nurses retracted the wheels of the cart and adjusted the overhead bank of lights. The other nurse wheeled over an IV bottle hanging from a rolling stand then swabbed me and inserted the needle into my arm. She started the drip and I began to feel tired! It wasn’t putting me out though, instead it was just a powerful relaxant.
Then I felt another nurse put an oxygen mask over my face for just a moment to calm my excited breathing. Then the female gynecologist and surgeon, Dr. Christine Lovelii entered the room carrying a file folder, already dressed in a surgical outfit complete with cloth shoe covers and a surgical cap. She spoke as she looked over the file that I soon learned had been put together on me.
“Marissa Du Bois… I see we’re in for a castration today!” she said as she read the file. “It says here that your aunt Madge would like you awake for the procedure, and, she wants you to watch as well! A little unusual, but, I think we can handle that…” the doctor finished as she pointed to a large mirror off to the side and then set my file folder on the surgical table. The nurse wheeled the large mirror over and adjusted it. “We use this mirror so women can see themselves deliver. It’s never been used in quite this way before but it should do nicely!” The doctor said as she continued.
Several trays with surgical instruments were wheeled into place then the lights came on! I began to fidget nervously as the nurses put stirrups into the slots at the bottom of the gurney and then I felt my covers being pulled away and my hospital gown being pulled up.
They then raised my shaved legs with painted toe nails and strapped them securely into the stirrups, splaying my legs and hips wide! The doctor took a chair, sat down and moved in. She pulled up her mask and tied the white ties then reached for a pair of rubber gloves as she continued to examine my file.
Soon finished reviewing my case, she nodded for the nurse to take away the folder. She continued pulling on her gloves, smiling faintly at me through her mask. I felt embarrassed lying there surrounded by women, my legs high in the air and splayed wide, my genitalia dangling there for everyone to see.
She worked her fingers into the tight rubber gloves and stretched both of them down tight past her wrists then let them go with a loud “snap.” “I guess I’ll never understand why some boys just can’t resist putting on ladies clothing and lingerie” she said with a sigh as she then put on a pair of glasses and after adjusting them wheeled up on her chair and started her cursory examination.
“Just relax now sweetie, it’ll be over before you know it,” she said as she began. I then felt her cold fingers examining and fiddling with my testicles and my penis! Both the doctor and her attending nurse saw my little mound of blonde pubic hair trimmed close into the little heart- shape, then the doctor held my penis down and pointed her latex covered index finger at the tattooed little pink satin bow.
They both smiled and chuckled slightly as they saw the tattooed inscription in quotation marks that Madge had put there. In dark black ink below the ribboned bow there was the humiliating declaration: “sweet little sissy cross-dresser!!” I became embarrassed, I could feel my face flush beet red. “Madge may want to have that inscription changed, because this little ‘cross dresser’ is about to be cured!” Dr. Lovelli said with a giggle.
She then resumed her professional demeanor and went back to work.
I began to mumble and cry out, but soon the nurse nearest me took a large wad of surgical gauze and folded it, then stuffed my mouth full! She then took a roll of sturdy white surgical tape and pulled out a couple foot-long lengths then taped my mouth tightly shut. She then adjusted the gurney and tilted my head up so I could see everything! Dr. Lovelli continued by stretching and taping my penis securely up towards my belly button then swabbed the entire genital area with a brownish colored mercurochrome! With my penis out of the way my testicles now hung vulnerable in their little scrotum. My mind began to race. This was more than an examination!
I shut my eyes tightly and tried to turn my head refusing to watch what they were about to do to me. But, the nurse nearest me simply took two more little pieces of the white surgical tape and after forcing my eyelids open, taped the top lids up high, securing the tape to my forehead! Two more pieces of tape were added to the bottom and soon my lower lids were forced wide as well!
Dr. Lovelli then began. “Nurse, hand me a syringe, 10 cc’s lydicaine please.” I started breathing heavily again as my bulging eyes stared into the mirror. “We’ll have you numbed up in no time dear” she said as she took the syringe from the nurse and squirted the plunger to get all of the air out of it. She then carefully held the syringe with needle at the ready, then rolling in closer on her stool, she began.
I felt the “stick” of the needle as she moved it around my genital and scrotal area. I tried wiggling my hips to say away from the needle but soon I was completely numb. I started to squirm again but this time Dr. Lovelli simply stopped long enough for the nurses to take my legs down and roll me onto my side. One of the nurses then handed the doctor a large syringe filled with a yellowish fluid. I then felt her feeling for an injection site on my lower spine then felt the cold gauze as she swabbed alcohol over the area she chose. I could only grunt and grimace as I felt the large and painful needle enter my lower back! Then I felt the pressure as the liquid started flowing in. In an instant I was paralyzed from the waist down!
My flopping legs were now useless! Soon they had me on my back and adjusted me on the table once again, my legs were again spread wide and securely strapped back in place. I fought with my arms but they were strapped down at the wrists and up past my elbows. The chest and forehead strap aided in keeping me firmly down as well!
I couldn’t move or feel anything below my waist. The straps they reattached to hold my legs in the stirrups were just there to keep them from falling out. Now with my legs back up and my hips pulled back into position on the table splayed wide and unmoving, and with my little ball sack hanging totally vulnerable, the doctor continued by giving my balls a little slap! Normally, I would have jumped and winced in pain but now I felt nothing! “There, that’s much better! Nice and still now!” she said.
She sat down once again, picked up a scalpel and wheeled her chair in. I tried to wrench my head free of the strap as I flailed from side to side gasping and crying into the gag. The women seemed to enjoy my predicament as they chuckled at my plight.
The nurse at the head of the table increased the IV drip making me even more limp and groggy. She then sat down and held my head firmly once again to keep me from moving, making sure I would see every detail of the doctor’s work. As I whimpered my muffled, feeble, squealing cries into rounded and taped cheeks puffed full of air, I struggled to free myself once again, but by now, it was no use, I was forced to continue watching everything!!
Linda stood in the reception room in front of a decorative mirror on the wall that sat over a feminine fashioned table. She studied herself as she held a little compact and a lipstick. She fluffed her hair a bit, then took the shine off her nose with a dusting of powder. She then took her lipstick and rolled it into place then carefully and quickly added a pale red color. She then took a Kleenex from her purse and dabbed the lipstick and after pursing her lips and checking her look once more she then moved back around the reception room looking the office over. Madge casually glanced at Linda and then at the clock on the wall then adjusted herself in her seat crossing her feminine, attractive nyloned legs with a zip. She smoothed her skirt down before continuing with the women’s magazine she was reading.
With furrowed brow and panicked and bulging eyes taped wide open and glaring, I was forced to watch my own castration! I screamed into the gag out of pure humiliated horror instead of pain. No one paid me any attention as the doctor took her scalpel in hand and moved in! I started to hyperventilate as she centered the scalpel and then made the first long incision down the center length of my scrotum!
I was now gasping and breathless, fighting to get free as I laid there on the cold table. The doctor put her scalpel aside then took an irrigation bulb and washed out the large central incision and the inside of my scrotum. After drying and wiping me off she inserted her gloved fingers into the folds of skin. I felt no pain, but was horrified to watch as she continued. As the nurse held my face firm and with my taped eyes bulging, I was forced to watch the whole horrifying procedure in the reflection!
I gasped and gagged a whimpering cry as I saw the doctor pop out one of my testicles and then the other. She carefully tugged and pulled at them until they dangled free and then attached clamps to the tubes running to them. She began taking clamps and strips of surgical tape handed to her by the assistant nurse and began clamping the scrotal skin open wide taping the metal hemostats to my thighs and lower abdomen! The nurse then held some type of retractor as the doctor inserted her fingers and took another instrument and clamped onto one of the testicle tubes.
She then took a scalpel and began on my left testicle by carefully cutting away the supporting tissue until the nearly white little testicle gleamed naked in the bright light. I screamed a muffled scream into my gag fighting to turn my head from side to side in disbelieving protest but the nurse at the head of the table only held me tighter, her hands tight against the sides of my face forcing me to watch! The surgical nurse handed the doctor a scissors, then I watched the doctor continue as she began to snip away at the little blood vessels that fed it. Soon the left testicle was dangling nearly three inches lower than the right one!
She then took a separating device and worked it into my lower abdomen and then gave a couple short “clips” then eased back on her chair as she took away the severed testicle and dropped it with a “thunk” into a little gauze layered silver tray that sat on the surgical stand!!
My mind reeled! It screamed at me in white-hot, blinding terror at what was happening to me! Then I realized that Madge had followed her every intention. She had kept her word and was now proceeding with her threat. This was really happening! I was being surgically castrated!!
My struggles and muffled cries were useless as I continued to watch terrified as the doctor casually but with well practiced hand then concentrated on my last remaining testicle! As the nurse held my head tight, I was forced to look on with bulging, unblinking eyes as the supporting tissue was clipped away, and then one by one watched as the little blood vessels were severed.
My head began to swim, my grunting, sobbing whimpers continued as the testicle dropped lower and lower as the doctor continued.
I could feel my masculinity slipping away with each sound of the clicking hemostats and scissors. After the nurse held the retractor for the final time Dr. Christine Lovelli then probed deep inside with her instrument. Two or three more “clips” and it was all over! I watched tearfully as she leaned back in her chair and held the last remaining testicle up. She smiled at me through her face mask as she cradled it in her hand, then turned and dropped it into the tray with a dull thud.
The nurse holding me giggled slightly as she finally released me then took off the tape holding my eyes wide. As the other staff women worked I could hear them chuckle and giggle quietly as well; but I wasn’t any trouble! After being forced to watch my testicles being removed I could only lay back in shock, tears streaming down my face as I glubbed and whimpered into the gag.
Dr. Lovelli then made an over all inspection and then removed the clamps. Then taking a curved needle and surgical thread she carefully gathered the edges of the scrotal skin and began sewing up my now empty sack. She continued stitch after stitch sewing me up until my sack was nothing more than an empty puckered nub of skin! Soon she trimmed the excess thread then sat back to admire her work. “There Marissa sweetie…That wasn’t so bad now was it? You’ll heal up in no time.” she said as she smiled at me again from under her mask and began removing the rubber gloves with a “snap.”
She tossed the gloves onto the surgical tray with the used surgical gauze, the used syringes and scalpels, the suture thread and the needle and the little tray containing my testicles. The nurse picked up the gauze that lined the little silver tray, and set the tiny bundle of testicles on a paper cloth. She set the metal tray aside with the other used surgical instruments then quickly collected everything up. I watched as she gathered the refuse that contained my testicles then tossed the whole bundle into the trash container!
Dr. Lovelli then tossed her surgical clothes into a type of laundry hamper then took my file to go consult with Madge and to tell her everything went well. “Give him a booster of five cc’s estrogen would you? She mentioned to the nurse. “Now that his testicles have been removed he’ll continue developing as a woman but at a much faster pace than before. We might as well get the little sweetie started right so he’ll look his feminine best!”
She smiled, then took my file and left the operating room. I watched teary eyed as the nurse at the head of my table took a bottle labeled “Estrogen” and loaded a syringe with the measured dose. She then pulled up my gown and swabbed my right upper thigh. I watched as she sank the dripping needle into my right hip and still being anesthetized felt nothing as she squeezed the plunger forcing more of the female hormones into my system. When she was finished with my estrogen injection, the surgical nurse then handed her another large syringe. As the first nurse continued cleaning up and putting things away the other nurse inject the solution into the IV tube. Soon, the room went black as I was put out!

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“Sweet Marissa” forced sex-change femdom story

Here’s the link. It’s got a great castration scene. Enjoy!