Milestones: Suckin’ a Cock

Here’s another unhappy milestone in my castration fetish.

When I was 22 I had a brief homosexual experience.

I met Ty, an openly gay college student, and started hanging around his apartment. I was just a working-stiff at that point. He had some effeminate mannerisms but was mostly masculine.

Ty was going to a prestige college and I had a slavish reverence for such people which had been browbeaten into me by my crazy older sister. Being bookish and over-educated this reverence is something I’ve never outgrown.

I smoked Ty’s pot and listened to, and bought my own copies of, his records. I figured that I might be able to absorb some of his special intelligence if I listened to his music. I’ve since realized that most of Ty’s music was bland, empty art rock. Music meant a lot to me in those days.

I now realize that Ty wanted to get it on with me right from the start but he was really very sweet and patient. He waited until one night when I was drunk to really come on to me. I initially rejected the offer and left his apartment. But once I got out on the street I decided that it might be fun after all and went back in.

We got naked and went to bed. Ty was really into kissing so we did that for a while. The kissing was OK but I didn’t like all that scratchy beard stubble. We played with each other’s cocks and I went down and sucked on his for a while. Then I told him to finish himself off, which he did. He cum was stringy instead of gooey like my own. I resisted his attempts to cuddle and proceeded to pass out. We never had a repeat.

I now regret not having done more things with Ty, especially taking it up the ass. I was too obsessed with defending my masculine dignity to let myself go.

A while later I had some emotional problems and I blew up at him and said some ugly, angry things he didn’t deserve. I’m a swine.

I’ve never been able to find out what happened to Ty. I fear he fell victim to the AIDS epidemic that began a few years later. Anyway, God bless him.