Here is another formative milestone for my castration fetish.
The next one came when I around 9 years old.
There was an episode of the Sunday Disney show called, “Almost Angels”, about the Vienna Boy’s Choir. I watched the show with my parents and some of my siblings, in particular, an older sister who was to have a great impact on my sexual development.
This sister was about 10 years older than myself and was unusually bossy and over-bearing. She always liked to show off how smart she was. Later in life she was diagnosed as bi-polar.
She must have learned somewhere about the castrati singers that existed in the history of Europe and thought that was a funny and cute fact. So when this TV show came on she wanted to show off this special knowledge so she asked out loud, “Are they castrated? Have they been castrated?” She asked a couple times and had to shushed by my mother.
Her keen, devilish interest in this gruesome practice made a deep and lasting impression on me. It gave the word ‘castrate’ itself an almost magical power in my mind. A true “fetish” in that sense. And I don’t think I even knew what castration meant at that time.
And since I have 2 older sisters, I will refer to this one as “my crazy older sister”.
Spy vs. Spy
Another more solitary experience from this time came from seeing a “Spy vs. Spy” comic strip in “Mad Magazine”. This comic strip was about two spies, one white, one black, that were always scheming against each other.
This particular strip had one of the spies tending a hotdog stand. I somehow misread the plot to be that one of the spies had tricked the other into losing his penis by having it put on display in the hotdog stand. I found this mysteriously arousing. This incident also showed a how trickery and deceit could amplify my arousal.
Another incidental side-light was a black-and-white WWII movie on TV I happened to be watching all alone one afternoon. I’m not sure how old I was. I could have been 11 or 12.
I really hadn’t been paying much attention to the movie but when it came to the end it had some nurses playing a trick on a US soldier/sailor (pretty sure it was a sailor) they had in their care. They put an ointment under some bandages on his back that caused an unpleasant burning sensation. They laughed at his discomfort and when he asked for relief they ripped off his bandages with a quick yank, which caused additional distress and made them laugh even more.
I got up and walked out of the TV room in a daze, stunned by what I had seen. Trickery, mild sadism and abuse of trust were the arousing factors.
I’ve never found out what the movie was, but I haven’t searched very hard either.